By Saorla Rodger
Ciara and Sinead are two women on a video chat in self isolation.
[They both log on to the video chat.]
CIARA Sinead? Hey, can you hear me?
SINEAD Yes, I can! How are you?
CIARA Not too bad, not too bad and yourself?
SINEAD Not too bad. How are you handling isolation?
CIARA Oh sure it’s alright yeah, you know, me and Sean go for a walk every day, get some
fresh air, video calling, checking up on people, yeah we’re doing okay. What about you?
SINEAD I am doing amazing, I’ve got my cats, I’ve got my Netflix. My shopping gets put on
the doorstep, the local pizza restaurant is doing free deliveries for over sixties, so I have a
wig for that. You know I was kind of concerned when the isolation started, because I’ve
always been so outgoing.
SINEAD But actually, what I’ve discovered is that I don’t actually need to go outside!
Everything I loved about the outside, with the help of modern technology, can be brought
inside my house! It’s amazing. I don’t need to go out. That’s an incredible realisation for me!
CIARA But you’ve been going out for walks, yeah?
SINEAD Oh no I haven’t been doing that! Why would I when I can play these “nature
sounds” I downloaded on Spotify! [She takes out her phone and plays nature sounds] This
one is called ‘Rainforest at midnight’, isn’t it realistic?
CIARA I don’t know, I’ve never been to a rainforest… neither have you.
SINEAD And look I ordered this fan on Amazon, it has 10 different settings, this one is
CIARA That’s great, but maybe you should slow down on the online shopping Sinead?
SINEAD But it’s so cool isn't it? Just one tap of a button and I can have anything I want!
CIARA Yeah but you know, you’re not working at the moment and we sort of have to save
what we have, we don’t know when things will get back to normal. We don’t know when we’ll
be able to go back to work.
SINEAD [laughs] Oh I’m not going back to work. I mean-
SINEAD No I am, am. I don’t know why I said that. Of course I have to go back to work.
Can’t stay inside forever!
CIARA Of course not! [laughs]
[They both laugh. We hear a notification sound from CIARA’s phone]
CIARA Oh my goodness. Have you seen this?
SINEAD What? What is it?
CIARA They’re ending the restrictions! As of next week we can all go out again! That’s
wonderful! Isn’t it Sinead?
SINEAD Yes, it’s wonderful… have you seen my chore chart?
SINEAD Look, I’ll get it [she goes out of frame and comes back with a chore chart]
CIARA I thought you lived alone? Who else is doing chores?
SINEAD The chores are split up between me and… [she pulls up a wooden spoon
decorated to look like a man] Mr. Spoon!
SINEAD See, Mr. Spoon does the hoovering, that’s on Wednesdays, and I do the
dishwasher, because it gives Mr. Spoon flashbacks. Then he does the dusting-
CIARA Sinead it’s a wooden spoon, it can’t hoover…
[Silence, Sinead leans her ear to the spoon]
SINEAD Well, he thinks you’re being very rude. Just because he doesn't have arms doesn’t
mean he’s not capable of helping out around the house. You wouldn’t tell that man from the
paralympics he couldn’t run just because he has hands for feet!
CIARA Sinead, come on. We’re all going to be leaving our houses soon, don’t you want to
see your friends?
SINEAD I have friends in here.
CIARA Please don’t say Mr. Spoon.
SINEAD There’s no need to be jealous, Ciara.
CIARA I’m not jealous of a spoon! You have to leave your house Sinead, isolation is ending!
SINEAD No, this is it now. I’ve created a utopia. Real life can’t compare to the one I’ve made
inside these four walls!
CIARA What makes you think that?
SINEAD The cats told me!
CIARA You’re insane!
SINEAD They told me you’d say that too.
CIARA Oh my God!
[CIARA slams her laptop shut. Silence. Then we hear SINEAD’S doorbell ring.]
SINEAD Oh, pizza’s here!
[She grabs a grey wig and puts it on, then heads out of frame.]